All I Want
by Morris Archeltum
Summary: After spending most of her life trying to please other people, a teenage girl is forced to answer the one question she never thought she'd be asked. "For once in your life, don't think about what everyone wants. Not your friends, not your family, not even me. I want a straight answer here. What do YOU want?" Three-shot. F-human/M-lucario
1. All I Want

**Well…if you're a returning follower and wondering if I'm starting yet another long project, don't worry; this is just a short story. A three-shot, if you will. Truthfully, I'm stuck in a rut with some of my other stories, and all I can seem to think about when I'm writing is this one idea that keeps circulating in my head. So, I'm getting it out there. Hope you enjoy.**

**Adalante!**

…

"Who cares?"

It's a phrase that's thrown around a lot in our society and it's used so frequently that a lot of us don't even know what it means. Originally, when the phrase was first invented, it was an actual question. Someone would do something that they weren't sure would be accepted by a public audience, so they would speak up and ask "Who cares?" If nobody answered, they'd go ahead and do whatever it is that they planned on doing.

Since then, the phrase has been twisted, warped, and completely mutilated into something that aggravates me to my very core. Today when someone says "Who cares?" What they're really saying is "I don't care, and neither should you."

Everyone uses it. In fact, it seems to be what gets most people through the day.

"Sure I hate my job, but the pay is great, so who cares?"

"Yeah I stole money from my mom's purse. She has way more where that came from so who cares?"

"I got a girl pregnant the other day. It's no big deal, she's getting an abortion, so who cares?"

"I get that people are sick, poor, and starving in the streets, but I have enough money to stuff my fat ass with food, so who cares?"

…see what I mean?

People use this phrase all the time and it drives me absolutely insane. No. Scratch that. They don't just use it, they fucking cling to it like it's their only hope for survival.

…but you know what? I'm no better. Through all my bitching about it, I'm just as bad as everyone else. My 'who cares' line….

"I hate where my life is heading. I hate that I constantly have to please everyone else. I hate that nobody knows who I really am and what I'm really like, but so long as it keeps everyone else happy and off my back, then who the hell fucking gives a shit.

A distraction in the form of a seven hundred pound woman sat down next to me on the subway cart, snapping me out of my self-loathing. Being that my only other alternative was to remain squished against the wall, I stood up and grabbed a railing instead.

I rubbed the spot on my arm that had been squished into the folds of her fat. She was sweaty…like really sweaty and my arm was now moist with her epidermic excrement. I pulled the tail of my shirt up to use as a rag and wipe the sweat away, but no sooner that I had done that did I hear someone behind me start to whistle at me.

Realizing that I had just exposed my stomach and the small of my back for everyone to see, I quickly pushed it down and turned to shoot a glare at the teenage boy behind me who was apparently admiring my body.

He chuckled a bit and then looked the other way, and instead of calling him out like I had wanted to, I simply let out a sigh and turned back around. I suppose I should take that as a complement, but it didn't really make me feel better about myself.

I was what most people would find attractive. Sorry if that makes me sound arrogant and self-centered, but hey, I'm not the one saying it all the time, _they _are.

I had long, flowing, dark red hair that hung down to my shoulder blades along with a pair of bright green eyes that tend to sparkle in the sunlight. But let's face it, most people are looking south of my face.

I like to keep my body in good shape and exercise at least five times a week to do so. The result was an hourglass figure, complete with a c-cup bust line and a pair of legs that have spawned more than their fair share of dirty comments.

The clothing I wore only accentuated my figure. A skin tight white tank top with a pair of bright blue skinny jeans. They were extremely uncomfortable and if I had my wish, they'd be ashes in the bottom of my fireplace. But no…that's not what people would expect from me, would they.

God forbid I choose to wear a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants like I want to. Heaven help me if I choose to skip my makeup in the morning. And if I just so happen to forget my earrings…kill me now. Seriously, put a gun up to my head, and pull the trigger because all I'll be hearing all day is "Hey Amy, why aren't you wearing your gold hoops? They really do look good on you. Do you want to borrow some of my earrings? Seriously, it's not trouble at all. Why not? Seriously, you look much better with earrings in."

God I can't fucking take it! Has it ever occurred to people that I don't care what I look like? That the only reason I wear these stupid clothes is to shut them up and get them off my case? Everyone just expects things from me and I can't fucking take it. My so-called "friends" expect me to look perfect 24/7. My parents expect me to go to college even though I could just as easily become a pokémon ranger right out of high school, which is what I actually want to do. My coach for volleyball expects me to take charge of my team when I don't even like the sport in the first place, and my teachers expect me to get straight A's even though I'm to busy worrying about pleasing everyone else to focus on my schoolwork.

Sometimes, I just wish everyone else on the planet would just drop dead.

I heard snoring to my left and turned to see the overweight woman that had forced me out of my seat, asleep with her head laid back and her mouth wide open, a bit of drool beginning to escape from the corner of her mouth.

I couldn't help but smile a bit. It wasn't exactly what I had wished for, but it was enough to put a smile on my face.

This woman was fat, lazy, ugly, and just all around unpleasant…so is it pathetic to say that I envy her. No one cares what she does. No one is telling her she should try harder. No one is telling her she should care about her appearance. She can just do whatever the hell she wants and it makes absolutely no difference.

She had what I've always wanted…freedom. Freedom to do or be whatever I want. So even as that spittle began to drip from her chin and begin to soak her shirt with something slightly more disgusting then her sweat, I wanted to salute that elderly fat woman.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to.

"_We are now approaching 34__th__ and Greene. That's the intersection of 34__th__ street and Greene rd."_

The train screeched to a stop rather quickly, throwing a few people who weren't paying attention off balance. While most people were trying to remain their footing, I was already walking toward the door as it slid open.

I stepped out into the station letting the smell of something awful fill my senses. Based on what normally goes on in this neighborhood, it was probably a mix of three different things: Sweat, garbage, and urine. Yet, I still breathed it in as if it was nothing. It was the smell of my home. My neighborhood, and it had absolutely no effect on me.

My home, much like my life, kind of sucked. It was a poor neighborhood, right on the edge of Jubilife city near an uncharted forest. Homelessness was a huge problem here, and even in the station I could see five or six hobos just lying around down here, but that was nowhere near as bad as our wild pokémon problem.

Since we're so close to the forest, we get a lot of stray mightyena, luxray, and even the occasional arcanine running around out here. Some of them are friendly…most of them are less than pleasant.

No one does anything about it. The cops have better things to do with their time then go chasing down the mangy mutts of 34th street, so everyone just lets it happen.

At least I was one of the lucky ones. I had a home, a family that loves me, a future to get out of this dump…so at least I've got that going for me.

But as I stepped out of the underground station and into the bright spring afternoon, I suddenly had an urge to be somewhere else. I didn't care where…just anywhere but home. If I went home now, Mom would be just waiting there for me and we would have yet another one of our awkward conversations.

"Amy, hon, how was your day. Did you get your physics test back today? What did you get on it? An F!? Oh Amy, dear, what happened? I helped you study all night for that. At this rate you'll end up going to Jubilife Community College. Although, maybe that's a good thing. It'll be a chance for you to learn how to manage your work. What, you don't want to go to community college? Well if you don't get your grades up, that's where your headed, Amy."

I cringed at the thought of that conversation.

That's another thing. People really need to stop calling me Amy. Every time I hear it all I can think about is that pink hedgehog from a video game I used to play as a child. My name is Amanda, not Amy. I tried telling people that, but you could probably guess what happened.

"What, you don't want to be called Amy? Ok…well then how about Mandy. That's a cute name. No? Then what do we call you? Amanda? I don't know Amy. That just feels a little weird. Are you sure?"

I clenched my fists and cursed my mind for making me pissed off before the conversations even started. One thing was for sure, going home was out of the question.

Instead, I found myself looking off to the left, towards the forest, just on the edge of the city.

"…Tag." I said to myself with a mix of hope and determination. It was the middle of spring, which is when he said he would be back from his trek in the mountains. I knew the way to the lake by heart, and if he _was _back, it would be great to see him again.

Tag…where do I even begin with Tag. He was more than just my friend. I don't care if he's a lucario; he's like family to me.

Actually, screw family. My family doesn't even take me seriously when I say I want them to use my real name, but Tag…

He listens to me, helps me, and even comforts me when I need it. He's the only one who I can have an intelligent conversation with and he treats me like I'm an equal. Best of all…he never, ever expects anything of me. I can just be myself around him and he doesn't care. He likes me for who I am.

I met him seven years ago. I was ten and a few of my friends said they'd give me five bucks to stay in the woods overnight. Of course, me being ten years old at the time, I thought that five bucks would make me the richest girl alive. I ran straight into the forest without thinking and got lost.

That's when Tag found me. He tried to lead me back home but I insisted on earning my five bucks. He actually stayed up with me all night and brought me all the way back to my house in the morning.

…he was barely even a lucario back then. Still relatively small for his breed, but he's grown…we both have. I went back to visit him quite a few times, and soon, I found myself spending more time with him then I did with my human friends.

Now, seven years later, I'm questioning whether my human friends are really my friends at all, but Tag, there's no doubt in my mind that he cares about me.

So, needless to say, I was more than a little anxious to see him again. I was just worried about what kind of mood he would be in when I got there.

…we didn't exactly say goodbye on the best of terms. Still, even before I had made my decision to see if he was there, my body was already unconsciously making its way to the end of the woods. If he was there, I would try and fix things. If he wasn't, it was a good enough distraction to kill some time.

I didn't have any pokémon with me, but I didn't need any. I'd been through here so many times that most of the pokémon in this area knew my face, and Tag made a death threat to anyone who came near me, so I was safe. I smiled at the thought. I swear to God that lucario is so damn overprotective that it actually gets annoying…I guess now I know why.

I slowed my pace down a bit, remembering the last time we had seen each other. It was so sweet, and yet so awkward at the same time. It was way back in November, six months ago. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. And I don't mean we had a bad break up, it was just a really bad relationship.

It was a guy that I didn't even really have any interest in. I mean, he was nice enough and everything, but I just didn't feel that way about him. Still, I decided to give him a chance because…well…why the hell not. We had gone out for two weeks before I found him cheating on me with some cheerleader behind the school.

Sure, I didn't care that we broke up, but that has nothing to do with being cheated. If you've never been cheated on in your life, you're lucky, because believe me, it's one of the worst feelings imaginable. It's like a gigantic slap in the face. It makes you feel cheap…worthless…like you don't even matter, and at the time, I was feeling like nobody cared about me, and Tag leaving was just making everything worse.

I thought back to that day, and how he tried to make it all better…and how it only made things worse.

…

_It was a bright winter day at the lake. A thick, 8-inch blanket of snow covered the forest floor and remained untainted except for the small set of footprints we had made on the way there. The sun was starting to set, and the sky was painted a brilliant shade of orange. The lake was frozen over, and could easily be walked upon should we have chosen to. Instead we just sat next to each other in the snow enjoying each other's company._

_We had spent the entire day together, although I don't know how good of company I really was. I was in a bad mood all day and barely talked at all. He didn't seem to mind though. He always just liked that I came to see him. I vented to him about my break up earlier, he was comforting and supportive as he always was, and I knew I'd get over it eventually. Still, I wish he could stay just a bit longer._

_I looked at Tag, all the while trying to conceal how sad I really was to see him leave. He was my only friend and even though he made this trip every year since I met him, that didn't make this goodbye any easier. His fur was absolutely soaked and I was wondering how he wasn't freezing to death. He rubbed the spot on his chest where his chest spike should have been as he often did when he was thinking. For whatever reason, he was born without it and he brooded over it constantly. Although I would never say it to his face, I kind of liked him without it. Those chest spikes are dangerous if you get to close and he was much more huggable this way._

_He didn't seem to notice my gaze, but instead, stared intently at the suns position in the sky. All of the sudden, he opened his mouth to speak. "I think it's time for me to go."_

_I nodded indifferently, although on the inside, my heart was sinking. He must have sensed this because he put a comforting arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I really do have to go."_

"_I know." I said, not wanting to drag out the whole goodbye speech. "You don't have to be sorry, I'll be fine." I reassured him as I stood up. He did the same and brushed himself off._

"_Are you sure you don't want me to teach this guy a lesson before I go?" He asked jokingly._

_I snorted at the comment. "Nah. If I want revenge, I'll get it myself." I said, cracking my knuckles as I gave my best tough girl face._

_He chuckled and shook his head. "Arceus help that man." We shared a laugh, albeit, a rather half-hearted one and just by instinct, I wrapped my long-time friend in an embrace. I think I took him a bit off guard, as we had hugged before, but never quite to this intensity. Now it was like I was clinging on to him for dear life with one arm wrapped around his neck and the other around the small of his back._

_I was worried that I had made him feel awkward, but he soon not only returned it, but matched my intensity._

_His fur may have been soaked, and in fact it did a number on my winter coat, but his body was in fact very warm so it kind of evened out. After what seemed like forever, we let go. If you asked me today, I still wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. Maybe it was that I wasn't hiding my feelings as well as I usually do. Maybe I was going through a really hard time in my life. Hell, maybe I just had something in my eye, but for whatever reason, a single tear dropped from my eye._

_I hoped that he didn't notice it, but I wasn't so lucky. "Amanda…are you…crying?"_

_I shook my head and turned the other way, embarrassed beyond belief. What was I so emotional about? He'd be back by April just like every other time. "I'm fine." I said quickly, hoping he'd just leave it at that._

_Of course he didn't…he's not that kind of person. "You're lying." He stated bluntly. I silently cursed him for being able to sense feelings. This would be a whole lot easier if he just left._

"_What do you want me to say, Tag. That I'm going to miss you. That you're my only friend and these next few months are going to be miserable without you. That I'm mad and wish that I at least had an explanation of where you disappear to every year." I told him. I cursed myself for letting all of feelings out like this, but once I started going like this, there was absolutely no way to stop it._

_His demeanor changed into something I didn't quite recognize…maybe it was…guilt? "Amanda…I had no idea."_

_I clenched my teeth, starting to get a bit angry. Not at him, but at myself. "Yeah, well…now you do. It's fine, I deal with it every year. It's like a band-aid you just have to rip it off and get it over with so this will be a lot easier on me if you just go."_

_I hoped he would buy it so he didn't have to see me like this. I was never this emotional, _ever_, and it was really starting to piss me off. It just made me feel…vulnerable. Like I was dependant on him. I was stronger than that…I knew I was stronger than that, and I didn't need him by my side to tell me everything would be alright. So when he placed a paw on my shoulder for comfort, it only made me feel worse._

"_Amanda…you don't really believe that…I know you don't." He stated. He really did know me too well._

_A long awkward silence passed as neither of us really knew where to go from here. But eventually, he spoke up._

"_Amanda…what if we didn't have to be separated."_

_I quirked an eyebrow at the question, not sure at what he was implying. "What are you trying to say? Are you asking me to come with you? You know I can't-"_

_He held up a paw to stop me. "No, that's not what I'm saying." He looked at the ground and closed his eyes, as if he was trying to figure out how to tell me something._

"_Do you really want to know where I keep going off to every year?" He asked me, not really waiting for me to answer, as he already knew what I would say. "A lucarios mating season is during January. It happens every year, and we all meet up in the mountains to find a potential life partner. It's a two month journey to get there by foot, each bonding ceremony takes multiple days to complete and none of us are allowed to leave until they are all completed. By then, it will have been another two months and it takes two months to get back…that's where I've been going."_

"…_ok." I said, waiting for him to continue._

"_So…what if I didn't have to go?" He asked._

"_Tag, that's insane!" I exclaimed._

_He lowered his head in what looked like disappointment. "I'm sorry…I…I didn't mean to…I mean…it was just a thought."_

"_Well think again! I'm not letting you give up a chance to find a mate just so you can stay here with me. You should have just told me that was where you were heading every year."_

_He blinked for a second and then sighed. "No, that's not what I was asking."_

"_Then spit it out. What are you trying to say?"_

_He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Well I…Amanda…I've actually though about asking this for a little while…but…I think now is the right time." He looked me in the eyes, meaning every word. "Amanda, will you be my mate?"_

_I stood there in absolute silence, eyes widened in surprise and jaw slowly dropping as I began to comprehend what he had just said. He wanted me…to be his mate? Like…lifetime commitment, lovers, together until death, mate? Where did that come from?_

_Is he just doing this because I'm upset? No…he said he'd been thinking about this for a long time. I didn't…I mean I had no idea that he felt that way. I…how can he even expect me to…I don't even…huh?_

"_Tag…I…I had no idea that…"_

"_Look, I know how sudden this is, and you don't have to decide-"_

"_I can't." I interrupted, causing an awkward silence._

"_What? What do you mean you can't?"_

…_I really didn't know what I meant by that. Everything was just happening so fast, I didn't know what to say, what to do, I couldn't even think straight, so in the end, all that came out was…_

"_I'm sorry…I just…I can't." I said, staring at the ground. I couldn't even look him in the eye. I knew that if I did, I would see him in pain, and then I would start crying again._

"…_I see…I…I understand."_

_I looked up, and saw that now it was him that was on the verge of tears. "Tag, I'm so sorry."_

"_Don't be." He interrupted, which spawned another awkward silence. Only this one was much, much worse. Now, there was no good way out of this. Hell, I think I just broke his heart. Nut what did he expect me to say? Was I really supposed to accept what was essentially a marriage proposal? How could he expect me to answer that kind of question when he asked it right out of the blue._

_He looked away, obviously embarrassed. I don't blame him really._

"_Look…I really should get going now." He said, trying to keep his voice from quivering, but ultimately failing. "I…guess I'll see you in a few months."_

_I should have stopped him. We should have sat down, and talked about this calmly, like adults. But that's just it. I wasn't an adult. If I was, I might have accepted him. I might have said yes and I at least would have considered it. But I was seventeen. Almost an adult, but still a teenager. The fact is…I didn't know what the hell I wanted. So instead of doing the smart thing…I watched my best friend walk off into the trees without another word…and regretted it for the next six months._

…

**Well, that's it for now. The second chapter will be coming soon.**

**Truth be told, this is the first romance I've written so far, so I would extremely appreciate it if I got your feedback on this. But it's your choice, really.**

**Thanks for reading ^_^.**

**-Morris**


	2. One More Time

**All I Want Part 2: One More Time**

"_Tell me one more time as I hold your hand, that you don't love me_

_Tell me one more time as teardrops start to fall_

_Shout it to me and I'll shout it to the skies above me_

_That there was nothing after all." (Joe Jackson)_

* * *

I sat on the edge of the lake as I waited for any sign of Tag. He's been away for a while so if he is indeed back, he's probably storing up food for the next week or so. He always did like to over prepare.

The lake, as usual, was as beautiful as ever. The sun was shining without a cloud in the sky. Although, the sun was getting a little low in the sky. It would be getting dark pretty soon, so if he didn't show up soon I should probably be heading back. The water was a bright blue, which was a bit odd, considering how shallow it was, but it looked spectacular with the way it sparkled in the sunlight, so I wasn't complaining.

A few pokémon were in the area, which was not uncommon, as this seemed to be some sort of watering hole. A mightyena was busy lapping up a drink as its pups wrestled playfully on the other side of the lake. A sawsbuck was snoozing happily in the tall grass not too far away from me, which kind of confused me seeing as there were a couple of predators within sight.

That's one thing I never got about pokémon. Tag tried explaining it to me once, giving this deep meaningful speech about how all of us are connected and we each serve our purpose in this world. I didn't really understand it all that much, to be honest. As my grades would attest, I wasn't exactly what you call smart. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't stupid either, but sometimes when I talk to Tag I just feel like I'm doing a lot of listening because I don't understand what he's saying.

To me, it just seemed like this was the natural order of things in the world of pokemon and they all just accepted it.

"Sure I'm going to get eaten by that mightyena, but I'm going to die eventually, so who cares?"

I shook the thought from my mind. I had always liked to think that other pokémon were a lot like Tag and differed from humans greatly, but lately my pessimistic mind seemed to be telling me that he was an exception, not an example.

Still, it was the lesser of two evils. It was either I contemplate more about how irritating people (and now, I guess, pokémon) are, or I could sit here and wait for my friend while I replay that scene over and over in my mind.

_"I'm sorry…I just…I can't." _I thought once again.

…what the hell did I say that for? …What did I even mean by that?

I wish I had some sort of explanation as to why that was the only thing that came out of my mouth, but I don't…it just happened.

...but really, what was I supposed to say? That I really loved him all along and that I'd be more than happy to be his mate? He knows damn well that I've got nothing against humans and pokémon being together, so if I ever thought of us as anything more than friends, I would have brought it up a long time ago. I mean, did he really just expect me to return his feelings?

No offense to Tag, but the situation wasn't that simple...hell, _life _wasn't that simple. If he had given me time to think about it before…

…ah, who the hell am I kidding? I've had six months to contemplate what the hell my feelings were for him and I've been avoiding it like the damn plague because I'm scared of what they are. Six months, and I still don't know what the hell I want.

Arceus, I wish I could have just said no? I wish that I couldn't return his feelings as anything more than a friend. Tag was the one person who would never force me to do anything I didn't want to do. He would have understood if I didn't return his feelings…at least, he would have understood it more than "I can't".

But…what if I did feel the same way? My God, I'd never hear the end of that. My parents would probably disown me, my friends would soon turn into my worst enemies, and I'd be the laughing stock of the entire school…scratch that…I'd be the laughing stock of freakin Jubilife.

That's why I never took the time to sort my feelings out…That's what I feared most…not breaking his heart, but being ridiculed by everyone that I already can't stand… Arceus, what the hell is wrong with me!?

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I worked myself up over this and I quickly clenched them shut, mentally cursing myself for being so damn emotional about the whole thing. I'm not this weak…I know I'm not this weak. Yet, here I am, crying like a damn infant.

I looked down at the lake as I sniffled a bit. The light reflected off of the calm water perfectly, creating a mirror image of everything. I glared at the girl that I saw in the water. She wasn't me…she could never be me. She was just a mask that I created…A façade, to protect the real me from facing the world.

The skin tight clothes, the perfectly combed hair, the makeup with the running mascara. She was a fake…a mindless slave to the whims of her peers.

…She made me sick and I despised her very existence. It was her fault, her need to please everyone else… that was the reason I was so scared to let myself think about this.

I drove my fist right into the girl's face, watching her disappear as the water sloshed around in front of me. It didn't last long, though. Soon the water calmed and she was back, looking at me with the same glare that I gave her.

I couldn't fight her that way. I had to go straight to the source. I took hold of my tank top and began pulling. The fabric was stretchy, but durable enough, so I knew it wouldn't rip. I tugged and yanked until the cloth was baggy and loose enough to finally be comfortable in.

Next I stuck a finger in the only hole that my jeans had in them, slowly working it through the tight denim until it was big enough for me to get a good grip. After a few good tugs, I had a decent sized rip. Wanting to at least make it symmetrical, I took out my Swiss army knife from my back pocket and sliced a hole in the other side, quickly making another slash across my jeans.

I then reached up to my ears and unhooked the gold hoops that my "friends" had all chipped in for on my fifteenth birthday. Normally, this would mean they held some sort of sentimental value, but since my peers knew so little about me as to give me earrings for my birthday, I had no problem chucking them into the lake. I suppose it would have been smart to sell them or something. They were worth around a hundred dollars after all, but hey, too late now, right?

One last thing to go. Leaning over, I dipped the end of my head in the water and let my hair get soaked. After a few seconds, I began scrubbing all of the product out of my hair, occasionally moving down to my face to wash away some of that horrible facepaint that people find attractive for some reason. Shaking my head dry much like a growlithe, I returned my gaze to the water and smiled.

The strands of my hair were all matted into tiny little clumps. My nearly flawless white skin finally showed through that awful tan foundation I applied every morning, and the supposedly waterproof mascara was now completely gone. My clothes, although looking rather worn out, were at least comfortable to move in now, and they hid some of my more prominent features, leaving much more to the imagination.

...this...this felt good...this felt right.

"Bad day?"

A deep voice inquired from behind me, scaring the crap out of me in the process. My body jerked as it tried to whirl around and greet this visitor, but I only succeeded in tripping over my own feet and tumbling into the water.

...cold, Cold, COLD, _MY FUCKING GOD THAT'S COLD!_

I sprung up from the water, already shivering intensely from the sudden temperature drop. How the hell can water that's always under the sun be this damn cold? I crawled out on my hands and knees and shot a glare at the person who made me trip, but my gaze softened as I saw who it was.

Because as I looked up, I was met by a pair of apologetic, red eyes and a small frown plastered on an all too familiar muzzle.

...Tag.

"Great...really, that's _real _nice Tag. Six months and that's how you say hello?"

"Amanda I'm so sorry, I didn't-" He started, but then realized that the corner of my mouth twitched up into a smirk. He let out a sigh of relief, knowing that I was just trying to fuck with him a little bit, and he reached out a paw to help me up.

As I stood up, my mind was honestly drawing a blank on how to continue the conversation. So instead I just gave him a hug, one which, thankfully, he returned without hesitation.

Seeing as how he grew yet again while he was gone and my chin could no longer fit on his shoulder, I instead rested my forehead on it and thanked God he didn't have a chest spike.

"I missed you." I whispered, before I even knew what I was saying.

"...I...I missed you too." He said, beginning to rub his paw up and down my back comfortingly. As intended, it did serve its purpose to make me feel at home, but soon it became something completely different in my mind.

I had been in countless relationships before, none of them ever getting too far along, but still, I was no stranger to cuddling.

...this...was cuddling...Something I hadn't done with Tag since I was ten years old and I was spending a night in the forest.

Just with that one little thought, all of the confused thoughts and awkwardness I had been avoiding for six months all came back in one moment.

Did he still feel the same way? Is he still heart broken and he's just hiding it? Are we just going to ignore everything? And the question I've been avoiding the entire time, how do I feel about all of this?

I couldn't even handle the one question, let alone all these new thoughts and they were driving me insane.

I began to squirm uncomfortably in his hold, and he slowly (as if begrudgingly) let go.

…and…then there was silence. Awkward…unbearable…agonizing silence. I know that I came here so we could work this whole thing out, but now that he was actually here, nothing would make me happier than to just run away and not look back.

For fuck's sake, how can I want to be close to him and nowhere near him at the exact same time?

My conflicting feelings battled it out to the death within my mind before my mouth began moving on its own.

"Tag…I um…I only really came by to see if you were back and…you know…just say hi. I've got some homework I've really got to get done. So I guess I'll-"

"Since when do you care about homework?" He interrupted with a chuckle.

…Damn. He got me there.

"Still…I should really go." I said, turning to leave.

"Amanda." I felt Tag's paw hook around my arm as I tried to get away. "Please…can we just talk…if only for a few minutes?"

I hesitantly turned back towards him and one look into his eyes showed that he wasn't so much asking me as he was telling me that we needed to sort this out now. And normally when he used this sort of gaze, I would have just completely ignored him and done it anyways, but not now...

He was right…we needed to talk. I'm just glad he was the one that was taking the initiative here, otherwise things would stay like this…I don't think I could handle that.

I hesitantly nodded and he smiled as he gestured for me to sit down. I did so, although I was now, once again starting to regret my decision. I shook it off this time though. I wasn't going to like either option, but this one was the better one. This one had a chance to clear the air.

He took his place next to me, making me feel a bit uncomfortable with the proximity, but I reminded myself that this was Tag, so it wasn't like he was going to try anything.

"So…How have you been?" He starts. His voice was a little shaky and I took some sick comfort in the fact that he felt just as bad as me.

…my God…I am a horrible person.

_How do I feel? Confused, frustrated, miserable, take your pick, really._

"I've been fine." I lied.

"…that's…good then." He said, a little disappointed with my generic answer. I dropped my gaze to the ground, feeling a bit guilty. Just like me, he was hoping I've been miserable too, though for much less selfish reasons. While I just wanted the company in feeling like crap, he was trying to gauge if he had left any effect on me.

"And you?" I asked back instinctively.

"I…I've been fine, I guess?"

…for a lucario, he sucked at hiding his feelings. I mean really, aren't they supposed to be super disciplined and stoic. He looked like a kicked puppy; it's pretty obvious that he wasn't ok. But then again...this was a bit of a touchy subject, so I can't really blame him.

I wanted to say something to cheer him up, but didn't really know what would do it short of saying 'I love you too'. Still, that depressing, pitiful look in his eyes was absolutely tearing me apart. I had to say something, so in the end…I just told the truth.

"I feel like shit." I blurted out, making him look up at me with a puzzled expression.

"What?"

"I said I feel like shit, ok." I said. I took a deep breath, preparing to just let loose everything I was feeling. However, what actually came out of my mouth was a jumbled mess of emotions. "I'm sorry, ok. I don't know why I lied and said I was fine. I've been fucking miserable, even more so than when you usually leave, and considering how terrible I normally feel, that's saying a lot. I'm sorry we didn't leave on the best of terms and I'm sorry I reacted the way I did."

I paused for a moment to catch my breath as I noticed my voice beginning to choke up a little. I fought as hard as I could to keep from going into hysterics (or at least, bigger hysterics than I was already having), but it was extremely hard to stop once I've started. My eyes were like floodgates. I could hold tears back for as long as I need to, but once they start, it's hard to stop until I'm all cried out.

_Damn it Amanda, stop being such a child!_ I mentally screamed at myself.

"I don't know what I meant when I said 'I can't'. I was just scared out of my mind. But really, why'd you have to ask me like that right the fuck out of nowhere, you jerk! If I had some time to think about it and talk this out with you I would have at least considered it, but when you drop a bomb like that two seconds before you leave for half a fucking year, I freaked. And now I _still_ have no clue what to make out of this, and I _still _have no clue what you are to me because I'm terrified of what the answer might be. Because if I say yes I enter one of the most complicated relationships in my life and if I say no you're going to hate me and…"

I stopped, running out of things to say that were on my mind, so, to vent some of the pent up emotions, I slammed the ground with my fist, letting out a short but rather loud scream of frustration.

I stared at the ground, too scared to look Tag in the eye. Tears were steadily falling from my eyes now, and although I cursed myself for being so vulnerable, it still felt great to get that off of my chest. Having nothing else to say, I just instinctively leaned over and put my head on his shoulder.

I hadn't done that in a while, but he's seen me at my worst before and this wasn't the first time, so it didn't exactly take him off guard. Instead, he did what he normally does; put his arm around me, leaned his head down on top of mine, and began quietly and comfortingly shushing me.

…I hated this…yeah I began to calm down and yeah it _did_ serve its purpose, but it was like I was ten years old again. All of this time had passed but when you get down to it I was still the same stupid, crying little girl that Tag found in the woods all of those years ago.

Considering the situation though, I was able to forget that, and Tag's paw gently rubbing my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts.

"…better?" He asked as he noticed (even before I did) that my crying had ceased.

"Not really." I answered honestly. "…but thanks."

"Anytime…now…what's all of this business about me hating you?"

"Don't act like it's not true."

"But it's not." He denied.

I groaned. "Yes it is. You won't at first…we'll go on pretending like everything is all right, but it won't stay that way forever. You'll start to act distant, and I'll stop coming to visit you so often. It'll happen slowly…but it'll happen."

He gave a sigh…out of what emotion I wasn't sure, but I didn't focus on it too long. I realized I was shivering, not from emotion, but from the cold. I was still soaking wet from my dip in the lake and the air was starting to get colder as nightfall was quickly approaching. In fact, the sun was setting just now, painting the sky a brilliant shade of orange. I would have admired it more if I weren't so concerned with Tag's paw running across my stomach.

Before I even had time to react, he had pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close up against him. He buried his nose into my hair, his cold nose barely touching the back of my neck. He inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of…whatever was left of my jasmine shampoo, I guess?

It was a little weird, but…his fur was really warm. I pretended that it was just to help me warm up even though I knew that wasn't the case, as so demonstrated when he moved his muzzle into the crook of my neck.

"Amanda…" He whispered, barely audible even though he was right next to my ear. "I don't know where you got this idea in your head…frankly I don't care…but I would never and could never hate you. No matter what happens…I'll be right here, whether it's as a friend, or something more. I will always love you…never forget that." He finished before he pressed his lips against my neck in a quick kiss.

I wasn't expecting it, but I didn't flinch or anything. Rather I froze in place, unsure what to think. The kiss itself was rather odd. It was light and quick, like a peck on the cheek that you might give your grandma. I knew that's not the way he meant it though. It was more…experimental. Like a swimmer dipping his toe in the water to make sure if it was a comfortable temperature before he jumped in. He was trying to gauge my reaction, and considering I didn't give one, he went in for a second.

This time though, he didn't let up, trailing up and down my neck as his kisses became deeper and more…intimate. He was being so gentle, as if he was afraid my skin was too fragile and would bruise under the slightest pressure. He wasn't trying to force me into anything, or persuade me to love him in return. Through this simple action, I knew he was telling the truth. This was…unconditional. A physical expression of the statement he had made not two seconds ago.

My breath hitched as I felt his tongue flick and his fangs scrape ever so slightly across my shoulder. "You really need to stop doing that." I finally said.

He sighed disappointedly. "Sorry." He apologized as he began to pull back a bit. However, I reached behind me and placed a hand on his neck, running my fingers through his fur as I kept him in place. "No…not that…stop…being so God damn perfect." I told him, leaning my cheek against his.

He hesitated for a moment, obviously not sure how to respond to that. I could only imagine what he could be thinking right now after everything I had put him through. But eventually, he seemed to take that line as acceptance of his feelings, as I soon felt his lips curl upward into a smile. "Not a chance. You know why?"

"Why?" I asked, though I could tell by his tone that a cheesy line would follow.

"Because you deserve nothing less." He whispered.

I giggled to myself. Not an amused chuckle like I normally would, but an actual giggle. Something I hadn't done in a long time. "That was one of the corniest lines I've heard in my life."

"…did it work?" He asked playfully.

"…maybe."

…To him, that probably came off as being playful in return, but I was serious. I was still horribly confused, possibly more so than ever, but as I tried to figure everything out in my head, my subconscious was in full control of my actions…and it seemed to know what it wanted.

I turned around in his lap so I could wrap my arms around him and buried my face into his cream colored fur.

…it was so soft…so warm and comforting. I could spend an eternity wrapped in his arms like that. I didn't get much of a chance to enjoy it though, as I felt the leathery pad of his paw tilting my head upward.

…and then…I was lost. Not in thought, nor in the moment, but in his eyes. In fact, whatever was left of my rational thought process was completely gone after that. Those crimson eyes that seemed to glow in the increasingly dark surroundings, they were almost…hypnotic.

It's weird if you think about it really. Red eyes are normally associated with evil, but I found comfort in his. They weren't piercing like they normally were, they were…inviting. I can't think of another word for it really, they just seemed to be beckoning me forward. I was unaware if it was me, him, or both of us leaning in, but the gap between us was closing at an agonizingly slow pace.

There was barely even in inch between our lips when reality seemed to hit me.

…I knew about lucario mating habits. What can I say? After I had been asked to be his mate, I kind of…educated myself on the subject…and no, that doesn't mean I looked at porn. I was just curious, really.

I knew where this would be heading, I knew there would be no turning back after this. If our lips touched, that would signal to him that I was ready and willing, the discipline he normally would have would go out the window…He'd make me his tonight…probably do it right where we were sitting at the moment…my fate would be sealed.

Everything came back in an instant, the fear, the anger, the uncertainty, everything. And as that wave of emotions came back and overpowered whatever it was that I was experiencing at the moment…I did something I wasn't proud of.

…It was just a reflex, really. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing and it kind of just happened. Just before our lips touched…I punched him…rather hard.

Not a playful one on the shoulder or the chest like I was accustomed to giving him…oh no…that might have actually been acceptable in this situation. It would have let him know that I was getting there but I just wasn't ready yet, which would have been a logical explanation. But no, it was mean right hook slamming into the side of his face.

He yelped, probably out of surprise rather than pain. He was a tough guy, so I knew I didn't hurt him…actually, I wouldn't say that…I probably hurt his feelings…quite possibly, his pride as well.

I jumped up from his lap and backpedaled until my back was against a tree, putting some distance between us. He looked at me with a pained expression that nearly broke my heart.

"Amanda…what the hell was-"

"I'm sorry," I interrupted as the tears started going again. I didn't focus on that though…this time they were warranted. "I'm so sorry-I don't know why…I just…I'm sorry I just…I…I…I"

"Can't?" He finished for me. He wasn't quite angry like he definitely should have been, but he was definitely irritated by my actions.

…why wouldn't he be?

"I…no…yes…I don't know, ok?" I began screaming. I flipped around so I was facing the trunk and pounded my fist against the bark. "God damn it! Why is this so fucking complicated!?"

"Why are _you, MAKING_ it so complicated?" He asked. His voice was breaking a bit, so he was either trying to hold back crying or yelling…my guess is the latter.

"What…what are you talking about?" I questioned, looking back at him.

"I know you, Amanda…and I know I promised not to read your mind or your feelings anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't know what's going on in your head. You're making this a lot harder than it needs to be."

I was silent for a moment, still not sure what he meant. He got to his feet and approached me.

"You're not thinking about us, you're thinking about everyone else. The people that you tell me that you don't even like and what you think _they're_ going to think of this…am I right?"

I shuddered. He really did know me too well…

He took my silence as a yes and continued as he placed his paws on my shoulders. "Amanda, you need to stop overthinking this. I love you…and if you feel the same way, which I'm almost positive you do, otherwise you wouldn't be making such a big deal out of this, than this should be the easiest decision you've ever made in your life. So just for once in your life, don't think about what everyone else wants. Not your friends, not your family, not even me. I want a straight answer here…what do _you_ want?"

I remained silent, as if the question was rhetorical, but really, I was thinking about what he said.

…I had asked the question to myself a lot about this but never supplied myself with an answer. He was right…I was using everyone else as an excuse not to answer the question and in truth I hadn't even tried to figure it out...what the hell _did_ I want?"

"I…I don't know." I answered finally. It may not have been what he wanted to hear, but it was the truth…at least it was better than "I can't".

He let out a sigh as his gaze fell to the ground and he shook his head. "Well…maybe you should take some time to figure it out."

His voice went to being monotone and he let his arms drop to his sides. He gave me one last glance before he turned and began heading into the woods. I instinctively tried to follow him and he held up his hand. "Don't…I…I need to be alone for a while. Just…just go home."

I froze as I could tell he was on the verge of tears, but I didn't even get a chance to talk to him about it before he used extreme speed and disappeared into the woods.

I remained standing there for what felt like an eternity, contemplating what I had just done. I had just made a lucario -a pokemon that spends his entire life learning how to keep his emotions in check- cry. Saying that this wasn't an easy feat, would've have been the biggest understatement to escape my lips since I said I don't like being called Amy.

…it was supposed to be damn near, if not completely, impossible…but I did it…I broke him.

…I…have got to be…the most despicable…low-life…heartless…insensitive bitch on the entire planet.

I didn't cry…I was all out of tears and even if I wasn't I'd have been in too big of a state of shock to start crying.

I didn't feel sad…I felt sick…actually nauseated by what I had just done to him. My skin turned a ghostly shade of white as the blood almost seemed to drain from my body and, slowly and silently, I began walking home.

It was night out, now. Many predators were out at this time, looking for a quick snack before they got in their night's rest. I passed many of them on the way back. They all looked at me as I passed. I would have written it off as confusion as to what a human would be doing out in the forest at this time…but I knew better. They were asking themselves if they could get away with it.

As I said before, they all knew who I was…and Tag had made it clear not to touch me…or else. That didn't stop them from eyeing me up like a piece of meat, though. I looked to my left at the sound of a twig snapping to see a Luxray giving me the same treatment. For a moment…I actually wanted to tell him to go ahead and do it already.

…it's what I deserved after all.

Before I worked up the nerve to say anything, he turned tail and ran. I shook my head of the thought soon after and continued on.

"_I want a straight answer here…what do _you_ want?"_ His voice echoed in my head.

I lowered my head and stared at my feet as they trudged. What I _wanted_ was to have my friend back. To have things the way they were. To visit him every day like I used to. To have him listen to my problems and hold me close and tell me everything would be alright. To…to…to…

My thoughts trailed off as an image entered my brain. An image of Tag and I holding each other closely, as we were before…only this time…I didn't punch him. I let it happen. His lips touched mine in a romantic and intimate kiss and…it felt…good.

…no…it felt…right. Safe, like…like that was where I was meant to be. I was…home.

I stopped and turned my head back in the direction of the lake. I want…I want...

…I couldn't say it. I knew it in my heart, but my head wouldn't let the words come out of my mouth…I was still too scared to admit it. I continued my trudge home as I tried over and over again to try to have the words come out.

"I want…I want..." …still nothing. I knew the answer, but I wasn't ready to tell him yet.

…but maybe…maybe I could work up to it.

* * *

**Sorry for the long wait. I'm not going to say when the next chapter will be out either because I'm horrible at deadlines. It'll be out whenever I have the motivation to finish it, but I don't know how long that will be. It'll get done, just not sure as to when…sorry. T_T**

**-Morris**


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